All that's on my mind
by haruxmakoto
Summary: Makoto has loved Haru for a long, long time, but Haru doesn't have the same feelings like Makoto does. That's the one thing that's on Makoto's mind and it's finally broken him. How will Makoto solve this issue and what's going to happen in the end?
1. Chapter 1

It was at times like these where Makoto felt there was no possible way to love that raven haired male anymore than he already does. Haru was Makoto's best friend, no doubt about it..but..that's the thing, they were best friends, nothing more, nothing less. No matter how desperate Makoto was for Haru to feel the same way..he knew Haru didn't; he could tell by just looking at Haru and the way he stared blankly back at him. Haru was never the type to show his emotions, but somehow Makoto was always able to tell how his best friend was feeling, and sometimes Makoto hated it. He hated it because at least if he didn't know Haru didn't love him back, he could still hope.

"Makoto?"

Makoto snapped out of his thoughts then. "Yes Haru-chan?"

"..We're home now." Haru spoke quietly as he turned his head to the side.

"Oh, right of course.." Makoto replied with a sheepish smile, scratching the back of his head. He didn't realise they were back from swim practice already, he was too busy thinking about the impossible.

"Bye Makoto.." Haru said finally, turning his body and started making his way up what seemed the endless flight of stairs. "O-Oh..yeah, bye Haru-chan.." Makoto watched him sadly until Haru was out of view before quietly making his way into his house. Makoto was home alone for the next week as his parents, ren and ran had gone to visit their aunt. Makoto stood at the entrance of his house silently. He hated being on his own because then all he was able to do is think- think about what would never happen and work himself up about it. Makoto sighed, slowly dropping his bag by the now closed front door before making his way into the kitchen.

Makoto paused when he'd entered the kitchen, looking around. "Not hungry.." he mumbled to himself, dragging his feet to his bedroom where he changed into is pyjamas before flopping back on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Normally the whole Haru thing wouldn't get to him this much...but for some reason Makoto just couldn't shake it off. Makoto lied there thinking in silence until a quiet sniff broke the silence. The sniff was then followed by another, and another before warm tears began falling down Makoto's hot cheeks. 'W-Why am I crying?' Makoto thought to himself, gripping the fabric of the bed sheets.

Hours and hours had past and Makoto was still sobbing to himself, he was now curled under the sheets in the foetal position, crying into his pillow. He'd never cried this much in his life...he'd finally broken, it finally happened. When Makoto had finally managed to calm himself down enough to stop crying, he quietly lifted the covers off of himself and slowly rose from his bed before slowly making his way to the bathroom. The only sound he could hear was the soft padding noise his feet made as he walked.

Makoto stared quietly at himself in the mirror in his bathroom. Both his eyes and cheeks were red from crying so much. "You're a mess.." Makoto mumbled to himself before making his way back to his bedroom and checking his phone. The time read 4:32am. Makoto had been crying to himself for hours...he had to get up at 6am for school. Makoto sighed, putting his phone down and clambering into bed, turning his pillow over so the dry side was facing up. Makoto closed his eyes as an effort to make himself fall asleep and soon managed to drift off for the hour and a bit he had left to do so.

**Hey guys! I decided to try and get over my writers block and wrote this small introduction to a new fanfiction I was thinking about writing. I know it's short, but only this one will be because I just wanted to know what you guys think about it and whether I should continue with it. So what do you think? Should I continue?**

**Thankies!~**


	2. Chapter 2

A repetitive buzzing noise sounded and Makoto groaned at the noise. He knew exactly what it was- his alarm. The olive haired male sat up, rubbing his sore, red eyes.

"Oww…" Makoto frowned, blinking a few times to get his eyes to focus before he dragged himself into the bathroom to stare at himself in the mirror. "..Jeez.." Makoto sighed then, leaning forward to examine his red eyes closer. His eyes were red because of all the crying and the little sleep he had gotten that night. Makoto turned on the shower and undressed before stepping in, letting the warm water relax his body. That's what he needed, he needed to relax. His body was so tense, the sensation of the warm water spreading over his body made him shudder. Makoto stood there under the water for what seemed to be forever, body and mind half asleep until he jolted, realising he was now late for school.

Makoto had never once been late for school and only missed school days is absolutely necessary, like when he was sick. Makoto rushed to get ready, skipping breakfast as it would only make him later. He changed and only towel dried his hair before grabbing his school bag and his swim bag and running out the door.

"Crap.." he mumbled to himself when he noticed not even Haru was outside waiting for him like every other morning, because of this, Makoto knew he was seriously late. By the time Makoto had got to school it was already halfway through first class. Makoto apologised to the subject teacher before taking his seat at the back beside Haru, who was staring out the window like he normally did during class. Makoto doubted Haru even noticed he turned up. Just seeing Haru made Makoto remember the events of last night and it made him frown deeply, which is highly unusual for Makoto to do, but he just couldn't shake the sadness off this time. He was so physically and emotionally drained from last night, he couldn't think straight, not to mention he had now skipped out on two meals, which didn't help the situation in the slightest.

"Uhm, Makoto, dear?" A female voice finally stopped Makoto's trail of thought. The whole class, including Haru were now staring at Makoto who was still frowning and apparently now standing. "Are you alright? You don't seem too well…" The female voice spoke again. "Do you need to go to the nurses office?" Makoto looked around the classroom, before shaking his head and sitting again.

"No, Miss…I'm sorry.." Makoto mumbled quietly.

The class turned back to the subject teacher and she soon continued with the lesson. However, Haru still had his eyes on Makoto, probably wondering what on earth was up with him this morning. Although Makoto knew Haru was still staring at him, he decided to ignore it and took out his notebook before facing the front and making very half-hearted notes, which was again, very unusual for the taller male. The rest of the lesson and well..the rest of the morning was like a blur to Makoto, he didn't really remember much from the first three lessons, but he was glad to be out of the classroom for lunch hour. Wait..lunch..hour.

'Crap.' Makoto thought to himself, he was in such a rush this morning he'd forgotten to pack something to eat for lunch. Makoto figured he could go without, I mean, he's already missed two meals, what's the harm in missing another? Makoto rose from his chair and packed his books away quietly as Haru waited for him. The two walked in silence to the roof top to meet with Nagisa, Rei and Gou for lunch. The three were already sat and greeted the best friends with a smile as they made their way over. Makoto tried his hardest to seem like his normal self, but really…it was just making him feel even more upset.

"Makoto, I heard you were really late this morning, that's unlike you…" Gou said, eyeing Makoto.

"I..Yeah, I overslept, that's all…" Makoto said, trying to avoid the comment.

"Makoto, oversleeping? That's the sort of thing Haru would do…or y'know sit in the bath in his swimsuit.." Nagisa laughed, eating one of his Iwatobi buns, which both Rei and Gou didn't seem too pleased about.

"Yeah…I think I might be coming down with something, that's all.." Makoto replied, sitting himself by Nagisa. Haru then sat himself beside Makoto, pulling his bento box out his bag and opening the lid to reveal its contents, which was of course….mackerel and rice.

"Haru-chan…you should really eat other things as well.." Gou sighed. "You're not going to be able to reach your full potential if you don't eat a balanced diet."

"Don't wanna." Haru replied simply, beginning to eat his lunch, which everyone was now doing apart from Makoto.

"Makoto, don't you think Haru should have more of a balanced diet?" Gou turned to Makoto then.

"I..yeah..eat more things Haru.." Makoto said, not turning to look at Haru this time, he just sat cross-legged with his hands in his lap. Haru simply looked to Makoto quietly.

"..Do…you not have anything to eat Mako-chan?" Nagisa leaned across, looking at Makoto with a slight pout.

"No, I had a uh..big breakfast so I'm not really that hungry.." Makoto smiled as best as he could at the little blonde boy.

"We have swim practice later. You should eat something." Gou protested. "As team captain you should show a good example for your team."

Haru split the contents of his bento box in half and offered the box to Makoto who turned his head away slightly.

"I'm fine, honestly..thank you though.." Makoto said, obviously talking to Haru.

Makoto could tell Haru knew something was wrong now and it was just a matter of time before he asked what was wrong, which was making Makoto nervous. The lunch bell soon rang again, meaning it was time to go back to class, which the group did, going their separate ways. All through their last lesson, Makoto was thinking of different reasons to explain why he's been acting so different, just in case someone asked during swim practice.

The final bell of the day rang and Makoto and Haru made their way to swim practice in silence. The other three were already there, talking away.

"Have you guys noticed anything wrong with Makoto today?" Gou asked, folding her arms in thought.

"Yeah..I mean, he was late this morning which never happens…and Mako-chan never skips a meal.." Nagisa added, walking along the lines of the pool tiles with his arms outstretched either side of him.

"Yes, I agree. Something is slightly off with Makoto senpai. Maybe something's happened between him and Haurka senpai?" Rei suggested and Nagisa paused, running over.

"Y-You don't think they've had an argument, do you?" Nagisa pouted, he hated it when people argued because he didn't like seeing people upset.

"That's not very likely.." Gou said. "Maybe they-" Gou was cut off by Nagisa who nudged her arm . Gou looked around and saw the pair walking over and she figured that's why Nagisa had nudged her. "Hey guys.." Gou waved with a smile.

"Hey, sorry we're late…" Makoto offered a small smile in return as they walked over.

"No problem, just remember we have joint practice tomorrow at Samezuka, so don't be late, you know how impatient my brother is sometimes.." Gou smiled a little as she spoke.

"Right, course.." Makoto nodded, walking off to the changing rooms, Haru following. The air was filled with tension and to be honest, Makoto just wanted to get in the pool as quick as possible because then Haru would be too preoccupied with the water to ask if anything was wrong.

Makoto began making his way out of the changing room but was stopped by a voice.

"Makoto." Haru spoke. 'Crap' Makoto thought, panicking slightly.

"W-What is it?" Makoto asked, not turning to face him.

"..Your swimsuit is the wrong way round." Haru pointed out which made Makoto's face flush a rather red colour.

"O-Oh…I didn't realise…" Makoto said, making his way back to the changing room he was in before. He must have been too focused on getting into the pool that he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. Haru made his way out of the changing rooms and to the pool whilst Makoto was sorting himself out.

When Makoto came out, the other members of the team still weren't in the pool and were conversing about something which made Makoto worry a little.

"So..shall we start practicing?" Makoto suggested to avoid any questions that may be asked.

"Yup, come on guys, do your best!" Gou said and the swim team entered the pool, Nagisa deciding to cannon ball into the water rather than use the steps.

The team began practicing their strokes as best as they could, aside from Makoto who was really trying, but just couldn't focus. Makoto still kept at it but his timings were dropping considerably. Haru stood at a corner of the pool, quietly watching Makoto.

"Hey, Haru..?" Gou asked quietly, sitting on the edge and dipping her feet in the pool. "Nothing's happened between you and Makoto has it? He seems really off with everything today.."

"Not that I know of." Haru replied, still watching him. "..He's hardly said a word to me all day."

"..Oh. How strange.." Gou said, gently kicking her feet in the water. "Maybe he's coming down with something.."

"Maybe." Haru nodded slightly.

Soon enough swim practice was over and it was time to go home. Once the team was changed they set off home together. Nagisa, Rei and Gou were talking the whole way home whilst Haru and Makoto were silent. After the other three had gone their separate ways, the walk was extremely awkward. Normally Haru and Makoto didn't talk much on the way home anyway, but this time it was really awkward. It may just have been Makoto thinking it, but it still wasn't nice in the slightest.

Soon the two had gotten to the bottom of the never ending staircase, just outside Makoto's house.

"Goodnight, Makoto." Haru said quietly, beginning to walk up the stairs.

"Night, Haru." Makoto replied, watching Haru for a little before entering his still empty house with a sigh. At least it was Saturday tomorrow and they only had practice. Maybe seeing Rin would help cheer Makoto up, they were all good friends anyway. 'It'd be nice to see him again.' Makoto thought, going straight to his bedroom and changing. Makoto was just so tired, he went straight to bed. He lied there for a while with a frown, thinking about Haru again. Haru was the only thing on Makoto's mind at the moment and he couldn't take it. He so desperately wants to be normal with Haru, but…something's stopping him. Makoto sniffed before pausing.

"N-No…not again." Makoto said, closing his eyes tightly. "Just..sleep." Makoto ordered himself, not wanting to be up again all night, he had a long day of practice tomorrow and needed his sleep. However, Makoto was still up for a good few hours, trying not to let himself cry again.

"Calm, Makoto…calm.." He repeated to himself, cuddling his pillow, eventually managing to drift off to sleep.


End file.
